a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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