i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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