So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
