Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
