there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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