Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
