How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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