Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize