hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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