1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
