We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
