Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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