They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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