Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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