I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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