I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
