Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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