So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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