I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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