When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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