I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
