Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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