Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
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You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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