If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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