Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
