Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
