had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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