I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
