He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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