if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
