No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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