I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
