I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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