I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
