Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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