I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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