If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
