dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
