That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
