This girl is more easily done than said...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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