I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize