i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you made out with another girl for some wings
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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