Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
