Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
