i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
