My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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