a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
