Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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