It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
