she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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