She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
