Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
