Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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