YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
