you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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