I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
