official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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