we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
