I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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