Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
