well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
