I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
