toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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