I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
