They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Randomize
