Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
