Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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