Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
