everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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