people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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