At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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