Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
