Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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