I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
