"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
