i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
