I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
