you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
