I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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